i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
