Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
