he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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