They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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