HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
