i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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