Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
