I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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