I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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