Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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