how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
