my phone cant type all the emotion im having
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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