I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
We were destined to go to rehab together
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
