it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Randomize
