Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
