For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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