why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
