Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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