Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Is Oprah even human
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Randomize