One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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