Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
