in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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