the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize