cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
