mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
