So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
