just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize