mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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