I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize