I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
