I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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