He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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