she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize