drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize