he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
A bitchslap is in order.
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