By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
