So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
