we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
