No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
