Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize