I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
