And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
