you lied. pity sex is amazing.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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