We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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