you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
