Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
