I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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