We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize