At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You may now shotgun with the bride
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
