sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Do vagina's smell?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
