two words: eviction party
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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