she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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