At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
