There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
