and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
