All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
