he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
