i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
