I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
