I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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