I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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