I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
