I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
