Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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