I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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